August 31, 2021

How important is an organization like Safe Space NOVA to the LGBT+ youth community? How important do you think it is to target the 14–18-year-old range?

I am thrilled by the mission statement of Safe Space NOVA. In both my personal experience and my queer friend’s experiences, the 14 – 18-year-old range tends to be when we struggle most with our identities. This is the age when many LGBTQ+ youth are realizing their identities and coming to terms with that means for them.

During this age in my life, I was exploring what it meant to be attracted to the same gender as my own under the already high pressure of high school academics and the social landscape all teenagers face. Growing up in a small, conservative suburb in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex, my childhood was made more difficult by the immense rejection I faced from my peers, trusted adults, and powerful public members of the community. While I definitely had supportive and inclusive friends along the way, the shame I felt from adult leaders that I looked up to was damaging to my self-esteem for a long time. Going out of state for college and surrounding myself with supportive and forward-thinking individuals all around me was the best medicine. I wish that I could tell my teenage self how much better life would get so soon!

I have immense respect for Safe Space NOVA for putting in the work and crafting an enriching environment for our LGBTQ+ youth. I know how much an organization like this would have meant to me as a teen, and I know our Northern Virginia youth must be so appreciative!

What are some of the challenges and roadblocks that you have personally faced within the LGBT+ community and how do you think Safe Space NOVA can help break down any barriers?

Despite finding heaps of support in my personal and professional lives now, there are still challenges within the LGBTQ+ community that I face. First and foremost, I would like to acknowledge my immense privilege as a cisgendered, white male. From other members of the community, I experience the pressure of unrealistic body standards and internalized homophobia. In the digital, social media age full of #InstaGays and Gay Tik Tok-lebrities, the expectation of what is a healthy, normal body has been warped. If you don’t have a chiseled jaw line with the perfect amount of stubble, aren’t masculine enough, or don’t have a “Is that photoshopped?” eight-pack, there is a level of romantic and even platonic exclusion in the community that creates even more distress amongst our members. We have all faced enough rejection from outside our queer walls, so facing it from our own unnecessarily compounds our sense of loneliness and self-deprecation. Bringing my privilege to the center of my experience, I know that these harmful physical standards are only more damaging to members of the community who do not look or identify like me. And I do not draw attention to this important issue to absolve my responsibility from it. I myself am part of the problem! We can all do better to reassess our expectations of what normal bodies look like, and why we are hesitant to accept folks of all backgrounds and expressions.

I believe that Safe Space NOVA has the capacity, and the responsibility, to serve as a forum for queer youth to express their experiences with this problem, as I am sure I am not the only to have familiarity with this issue. Providing an open dialogue about why we gravitate towards certain bodies over others, the historical and cultural factors that have influenced these personal preferences, and what we can do to put down the social media models on our phones and learn how to fall in love with our beautiful selves, and each other, as we are.

Have you personally dealt with or witnessed someone firsthand deal with the issues in the LGBT+ community that Safe Space NOVA is aiming to prevent (depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, drug abuse, etc.)?

Unfortunately, I have. I want to be candid about my experience not to gain sympathy, but rather to emphasize how common these serious issues are, to show queer youth that they are not alone, and to provide hope for overcoming dark periods in life.

I have struggled with depression and suicide ideation in several different times of my life, the first being when I was only thirteen years old and first coming to terms with my sexuality. At that time, there was very little positive media representation of queer individuals, and everywhere I turned, from school to church to sports, I did not hear people speak of the LGBTQ+ community with much respect. It often felt like there were no positive aspects to my identity, and I had no idea how I could have a happy and “normal” future. While society has progressed in such a short amount of time, I know that many around the world are still having these same, inaccurate thoughts. There are so many positive aspects of the community!

Additionally, I have struggled, and continue to struggle some days, with disordered eating. As previously discussed, the rejection from other men-loving-men I faced really damaged my self-confidence. For some, I was too large, too hairy, or not “out enough”. For others, I was just the opposite: A short, flamboyant twink with too much visibility for a low-key relationship. It was exhausting trying to be everything at once while satisfying absolutely nobody’s expectations of myself. In addition to my private life rejections, I was anxious about my body image as it related to my sport of competitive diving.

I have competed at an elite level for twelve years, and intimately know what it takes to be the best. When looking to push myself to the next level, I could not help but to compare my body to the best divers in the world and noticed how my stature did not align with theirs. I thought I could improve my performance and fix my body dysmorphia through intense dieting and extra workouts. By my senior year of college, my attempts to rectify my appearance for the benefit of everyone but myself left me with a diagnosis of clinical exhaustion, and my depression was back in full swing.

It was my concerned teammates, coaches, and friends that got me to seek professional help in the terms of therapy and also a registered dietician to talk through my feelings and come to terms with the body that I have. Instead of failing to please others, I have spent the last year focusing on my own goals and how to be happy inside my own skin. I am in a much brighter headspace than I was when I was a teen, or even just a year ago, and I hope that my story can inspire youth to speak up and seek help early and often. There are so many people looking to be supportive if you only know where to ask!