November 24, 2020

Words by Chris Malpartida

It was during my junior year of high school when I knew I was gay and there was no way to change that. As time passed, I became very comfortable with the future I had fabricated in my mind—one without my family and friends. It was a sad future but more importantly it was a future where I knew I was going to be free of disappointment and fear. Looking back on that now, as someone who has been out for about two years, in law school, partnered and happy, I realize that future I was going to build myself would have been one full of regret, fear, disappointment—everything I was running away from originally. When I finally came out of the closet in 2018, I became fully aware of how loved I was by family and friends. Part of me always knew but then another part of me always told myself it wasn’t true; it was just my default mechanism. However, I consider myself to be one of the lucky people that comes out and is supported by their family and friends. I know so many people close to me that did not have the luxury, which is why organizations like Safe Space NOVA are so important to all communities, especially the LGBTQIA+ community. These types of organizations provide people of all ages resources they can seek out to help them in their journey that, to some extent or maybe even completely, depends on their sexual orientation. For the younger population of the LGBTQIA+ community, these resources will impact their lives significantly. Personally, the period in my life where I had the most internal conflict was between the ages of 14 to 20 years old. I was worried how my family would react; where I would go if my parents kicked me out of the house; how my teammates in the sports teams I was a part of would react; etc. I think these thoughts are common for people of that age range; that age range seems to be the period in one’s life when they begin to make decisions regarding their sexual orientation and how they want to live their lives in the future. It is important we pay close attention to that demographic. 

It is true when people say that it feels like a giant weight has been lifted once you come out. That’s how I felt! However, since coming out, I have definitely become aware of problems within the LGBTQIA+ community that I was not aware of before since I was not out. Some problems, of many, that I see within our community is the discrimination against colored queer members of the community, “straight” acting men in the gay community, fat-shaming in the gay community, trans members of the community—the list goes on and on. Having my eyes opened gradually to these issues has made me want to help reduce the discrimination within our community. Safe Space NOVA is founded by Jordan Costen, a black gay man, and is supported by his team that is mostly made up of black men and women in the LGBTQIA+ community—this is how change starts! When we start empowering people of color and placing them in positions to allow others to follow in their footsteps is when we start proactively getting rid of a major discrimination that plagues our community. This is how we make our community a better one than how we found it.

I’ve endured depression, my unfortunate share of suicidal thoughts, and actively deal with anxiety that is a result of the anxiety that developed due to my handling of my sexual orientation. It sucks. There is no easy way to say that this period in one’s life is a pretty awful period. We feel alone. We feel like an outcast. We feel like we don’t deserve to belong somewhere. Once again, it really sucks. However, I am a firm believer in the philosophy that there is always a family out there for everyone. It may not be the one we are born into, but there definitely is a family out there for everyone. So, to those people that feel like that haven’t found their family yet: I implore you to keep looking, to not give into depression and feel like that is the only thing waiting for you, and to empower yourself constantly. Whether you think it or not, each of us has something to give to the world. We are all valuable members to our communities and society.