May 8, 2018

Words by Torrey Leak
Compiled by Khyle Paylor, Safe Space NOVA Social Media Correspondent

In February 1998, I joined the United States Army and served 10 years. During this time, the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was still in full effect. Because I have never been one to discuss my sexuality, the policy did not bother me. I prefer to keep my sex life separate from the rest of my life. Being in the military during the time of this policy was interesting because I did not openly profess my love or date or hold hands with any other gentlemen in the military, but there were several guys in my unit that were just like me.

I would not say that I was forced into a closet or forced to hide my sexuality or who I love or who I was dating. Several members of my chain of command were also LGBTQ, however due to military regulations the trans were only allowed to be trans out of uniform and when in uniform performing normal military duties had to act their born gender. That was hard to understand and I am sure it was difficult for them to not be able to be who they truly were.

I served 10 years, two deployments to Iraq and one to Afghanistan. Regardless of your sexuality, you’re around a group of men and your only sexual outlet is a man. You do what you have to do to survive. I did not find out until later on down that the “gay experience” was common in the military for some time. Meaning that guys who have been curious about what it would be like to be with another male would explore that curiosity in the military, similar to how a curious young man going away to college would explore his sexuality.

All in all, I would have to say that my experience of over 10 years in the military was a positive one. I’ve never been one for Gay Pride events or anything that celebrates my sexuality be at the forefront of my life. I was not affected by these policies as much as those who wanted to be out and proud were. I have always been a proud, but private gay black man.

I am happy to share my story and hope that it helps anyone who’s contemplating joining the military after high school and is LGBTQ. The military has seen several changes over the years and the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy is no longer in effect because it was repealed by the Obama Administration. People are now allowed to serve freely in the military without fear of reprisal, reprimands, or repercussions due to their sexuality. I look forward to sharing more with Safe Space NOVA about my story in the future!